And a very good morning to you all

I think you all is 3 people.

No matter.

I am here to bring you the latest in a segment I call....


Factual Nonsense....with Nigel Puddingsworth

(nigel)



So we begin today with a story....

a story about....beans.

Not just any beans...but rather, magic beans.

The kind that grow beanstalks...

and you're saying you yourself..."oy....am I really 'bout to hear a story about magic beans?"

yes...you are

Beans grow best on thursday's. magic beans...grow best on thursday nights.

its a well known fact that part of the reason magic beans are magic...is because the way they grow...is they rely on moonlight to grow.

"i say mate....where does one find enough moonlight, to grow beans?"

thats the kind of question that will get you tossed in an early grave.

have you singin christmas carols with your old aunt betty for St. Peter...

if you catch my drift.

(dead)

i am prepared however, to divulge one secret.

there are only a few people who knows the sacred location that provides enough moonlight to support these beans.

i am one of them (obviously)

the others...have taken a vow of silence. a vow they take very seriously from my understanding. something to do with earning up vacation time?

idk....the point is...they take their vow seriously, and they dedicate their time to harvesting and cultivating these marvelous beans.

"if there were magic beans...we'd be seein ruddy beanstalks all over the place, wouldn't we?"

a fine question sir.

allow me to counter with this statement

lets say you had the secret to magic beans? would you be givin it out to people?

trick question...





you don't have the secret. I have it.


and i've chosen to keep it a secret.

hows that sit with ya?

hate it do ya?

fine....i'll share this.

there is only one place on earth, where you can grow magic beans. you can't throw the beans in any old soil and expect a healthy beanstalk to grow. don't be stupid.

it has to grow it magic dirt

 (trade secret....when we say this shit is grown "by hand"...we mean it literally...moonlight...by hand....vow of silence...bobs your uncle...magic beans)




i also happen to know where one can procure this magic dirt.

which makes sense....what with me being one of the secret keepers and all.

pointless to know one and not the other.

how would you know if you had magic beans if you didn't have magic dirt to grow them in?

exactly.


so yeah...magic beans...mysterious, as always...but now you know that someone very brave, and very illuminated, is keeping this secret safe.

 that is all.




CHEAU.